Respect vs Love: The Ultimate Showdown

In any relationship, respect and love are portrayed as two sides of a coin. Although, they might seem to exist as one constituent that forms the essential bonds of a relationship. A deep thinking and in-depth analysis of these words depict they are parallel.

What does this mean? This posits that out of ten relationships, five might rely on love for continuity while the other half thrives solely out of reciprocated respect towards one another. This can be in terms of financial status or how a partner can handle or control the relationship and de-escalate situations while maintaining the social picture of a harmonious relationship.

This article explains the key differences between love and respect by examining the meaning of love and respect, briefly listing and discussing the types of love and respect, analysing the characteristics of love and respect and finally examining how they separately function in maintaining a relationship.

WHAT IS RESPECT

Generally, respect is regarded as a display of admiration, high esteem or good opinion about oneself or towards another individual. It entails holding someone in high regard probably from observing their behaviour, (actions, reactions or decision-making process).

Most times, people tend to mix up the role of love and respect. However, it remains undeniable that a loveless relationship can still function out of respect which is evident in arranged marriages, and friend-based relationships. This is because respect is a natural value or trait expected to be owned, developed or acquired by everyone to facilitate better social and cordial relationships. Moreover, people who have respect for others are seen to have an aura of positivity.

TYPES OF RESPECT

According to Drillmaster, there are three types of biblical forms of respect. These are:

Respect of Personhood: the first form of respect asserts that each human is created in the image of God, therefore they should be respected and likewise show respect towards one another. It is further explained by the biblical reference to Matthew 7:12, Romans 12:10, Philippians 2:3, Titus 2:7 and 1 Peter 2:17. These verses preach about having respect for people irrespective of how you feel about them.

Respect of Authority: this form of respect teaches the need to respect laid down authority and those enforcing it. Examples are picked from chapter 13 of the book of Romans where the apostle Paul wrote about respect for authority. Other biblical examples are seen in Ephesians 6:6-9, 2 Timothy 3: 1-9 and 1 Thessalonians 5:12-18 which also discusses respect for authority and the consequences of not adhering to rules.

Respect of Honour: this is a form of respect that preaches respecting and owning up to agreements and taking responsibility for actions. It also entails holding people in high regard because of their value or as a result of the qualities they possess.

CHARACTERISTICS OF RESPECT

In a relationship, respect is always characterised by:

● Active Listening: this encompasses not just listening but displaying full comprehension of what is being said while stirring engagement through conversations with your partner.

● Confidence: this is another characteristic of respect that entails self-assurance, boldness or firm belief in the behaviour of a partner.

● Self-respect: This is the awareness and knowledge of one’s boundaries.

● Consistency: This trait of self-respect is known for its persistence.

● Gratitude: This is the reflection of being grateful, thankful or showing appreciation towards one another.

● Honesty: This is the act or quality of being chaste and honest.

● Emphasis: This is the capacity to understand another person's point of view, feelings and emotional state of mind.

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love in a relationship means having affectionate or romantic feelings towards another. It does not necessarily have to be reciprocated or accepted; it merely exists as a presence of attraction. This form of emotion is considered cheesiest and inconsistent mostly based on infatuation, obsession or sensuality. Most times, it is quickly extinguished as early as it sparks. Its fierce nature of accumulated emotion rather than rationalised reasoning can lead to poor decision-making or traumatising experiences for those involved.

TYPE OF LOVE

Due to its use in several contexts, the concept of ‘love’ has been split into different types. According to the Ancient Greeks, there are eight different types of love. These are:

● Eros (sexual passion): this is a Greek word named after the Greek god of love and desire, it is also used to generalize romantic and passionate love. This type of love involves a fiery display of emotion that arouses intense sexual feelings towards another.

● Philia (deep friendship): Also known as ‘platonic love’, this form of love originates from a Greek philosopher named Plato. This love is characterized by the fondness or closeness to another individual as a result of shared similar situations or ideologies. It is mostly attributed to friendship.

● Ludus (playful love): this is a playful and affectionate type of love attributed to the wave of excitement that surrounds infatuation, a butterfly experience or a first-time crush on someone. This form of love also exists among children who are naturally playmates.

● Agape (love for everyone): this is a spiritual concept of Christianity that advocates for selfless love among people and towards God as it is said to facilitate growth and peaceful coexistence. It is mostly preached in churches, Christian schools or gatherings.

● Pragma (longstanding love): this type of love is said to reflect a long-lasting relationship which has weathered several storms and unfavourable circumstances but has maintained balance. This type of love is difficult to attain because it involves a high level of sacrifice and compromise from both parties involved. It is characterized by respect, tolerance, forgiveness, maturity and acceptance of one's partner.

● Philautia (love of the self): This form of love is a concept evolving from the Ancient Greek and is now a widely accepted phenomenon. It is said to represent self-love, self-care and knowing your worth.

● Storge (family love): family love is a type of love that involves the feeling of happiness, duty or protection towards your relatives. This form of love can be found in parents' admiration for their children, children's veneration of their parents, mutual relationship between siblings or friendly bonds with close family friends. It is usually characterized by the display of various forms of emotions such as a sense of security and safety, fondness, empathy and support towards one another.

● Mania (obsessive love): this is a jealous and possessive type of love that exhibits traits such as codependency, obsession, authoritativeness and at times violence. The display of these behavioural patterns in a relationship tends to be unhealthy or toxic and culminates in negative impacts on the relationship or the mental health of those involved.

CHARACTERISTICS OF LOVE

In a relationship, love is characterised by the following;

Respect: Often, the mere presence of love triggers the feeling of admiration, reverence or veneration of a spouse.

Forgiveness: This characteristic of love teaches partners how to let go of angry circumstances and know when to apologise.

Kindness: Kindness is an attribute of love that involves the physical display of charitable or benevolent behaviour towards one another.

Acceptance: Acceptance depicts a state of resolution or approval of the kind of person your partner is.

Intimacy: Intimacy forms a feeling of closeness or fondness towards one another, often linked with sensuality.

Patience: Patience is an essential characteristic of love that displays the quality of being calm during tense conditions and not losing one’s temper under relationship pressure or accumulated stress.

KEY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LOVE AND RESPECT

Both emotions cannot be switched to reflect the same attributes. This is because they differ in terms of relationship functions. Being respected would refer to being valued, appreciated and acknowledged in terms of religion, sexual choices or decision-making choices without being judged by the other party. On the other hand, being loved revolves around, being doted on, cared for, probably admired, paid attention to or overly sexualised.

Some of the key differences between love and respect include:

● Respect creates space for positivity by putting aside ego and desires. Meanwhile, love exists to fill another’s void by bridging the gap between two people emotionally or physically.

● Love creates a connection between partners while respect facilitates the connection between two or more people.

● Love can be formed first without the presence of respect but respect needs to be acquired, earned or developed over a long period.

● Respect is all about knowing your capabilities but choosing not to out of respect for another person or oneself. Love is attributed to the concept of how far you can go of the wide choices of what you can do for your partner.

● Respect is mostly expressed by self-restraint, self-discipline and self-worth or holding one another in high esteem. Love is mostly expressed through acts of service or gifting.